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MST Index

"How did you get me to do this in the first place? And why do I continue to do it? "

© WATASE Yu / TV Tokyo & Viz Media. All rights reserved.

A list of MSTs/sporkings I've completed, or which are still in progress.

A note before we begin: However I feel about these books, I don't think writing, reading, or enjoying them is bad or makes one a bad person. (By the same token, not writing these books, ignoring them, or hating them doesn't automatically make one a good person.) All sporkings are based on my experiences and worldview, and obviously a different person will get something very different out of the story. If you found House of Night valuable in some way, that's fantastic! Don't let anyone convince you that that doesn't matter. And yeah, don't forget that I'm a random loser with a blog and the works I'm critiquing have been adapted to successful film and animation, the man in the arena, etc., etc.

Why the heck am I doing this, then? Because I learned a lot about writing from Fred Clark's Left Behind sporking and Reasoning With Vampires, and I wanted to pay that shit forward. Also because sometimes reading "terrible" things can be fun.

House of Night

"Damn, you are a stupid vampire!"

© SHIOMI Chika / Akita Shoten & CMX. All rights reserved.

A.k.a. "the terrible vampire books". A series of YA vampire novels that spreads outrageously fake history and accidentally gives the opposite of almost every message it tries to send, among myriad other issues. The sporkers I followed for the first two books gave up around the third, so I took up the mantle. I'm reading these cold -- at most I've skimmed a paragraph or two ahead to write the "next time" messages -- so mistakes may be made.

I've tried to include content warnings on the chapters that require them, but the series as a whole contains quite a bit of homophobia and classism, ableist slurs (although comparatively innocuous swear words like "shit" are generally censored, for some reason), and nasty attitudes about rape.

The 1-bit drawings and comics and comics in these posts were drawn by me, garrick. They're released under the same license as original text on this blog (Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0), so feel free to reuse them -- although I can't imagine why anyone would want to.

Book 3: Chosen

Source text: Cast, P. C., and Kristin Cast. Chosen: A House of Night Novel. 1st ed. New York: St. Martin’s Griffin, 2008. Print. ISBN-13: 9780312360306.

  1. Chapter 1
  2. Chapter 2
  3. Chapter 3
  4. Chapter 4
  5. Chapter 5
  6. Chapter 6
  7. Chapter 7
  8. Chapter 8
  9. Chapter 9
  10. Chapter 10
  11. Chapter 11
  12. Chapter 12
  13. Chapter 13
  14. Chapter 14
  15. Chapter 15
  16. Chapter 16
  17. Chapter 17
  18. Chapter 18
  19. Chapter 19
  20. Chapter 20
  21. Chapter 21
  22. Chapter 22
  23. Chapter 23
  24. Chapter 24
  25. Chapter 25
  26. Chapter 26
  27. Chapter 27
  28. Chapter 28

Counters

As of the latest sporked chapter:

RMFC: 13

Nasty Boys Don't Mean a Thing: 16

No One Talks Like This: 5

Aria the Scarlet Ammo

(coming soon)

The most off-brand mid-2000s light novel the world has ever seen. You want a Shana clone? She's the cloniest! Offensively unsexy and contrived fanservice? It's never been this pointless before! A plot that consists largely of confusingly-blocked action sequences and dissolves into incoherency in third act? You must be reading ahead!